Sexual Assault and Masculinity: How Sexual Violence Against Males impacts them.

If you've experienced sexual violence, you might find yourself questioning more than just what happened.

You might question yourself.

You might think, “Why didn't I stop it?” or “Why didn't I fight back?”

Maybe you feel embarrassed that it happened. Maybe you're angry with yourself. Or maybe you haven't really allowed yourself to think about it at all.

For some men, the hardest part can be the feeling that what happened doesn't fit with how they've been taught to be a man.

You're supposed to be strong. You're supposed to be in control. You're supposed to be able to protect yourself.

So when someone crosses a sexual boundary, it can leave you feeling confused about yourself as well as what happened.

Your reaction doesn't make you weak

Not fighting back wasn't a sign of surrender, it was your survival brain overriding everything to avoid further harm.

People react differently when they're frightened, overwhelmed or caught off guard. Some people freeze. Some can't speak. Some go along with what's happening because they don't know what else to do.

If that's what happened to you, it doesn't mean you wanted it.

And if your body responded physically, that doesn't mean you consented either. Bodies can react automatically, even when we don't want something to happen.

You don't need to justify your response.

You might look fine on the outside

You might be getting on with your life. Working, studying, seeing friends, going to the gym, being in a relationship.

But that doesn't necessarily mean you're okay.

You might struggle to trust people. You might find sex or intimacy difficult. You might be angry, anxious or ashamed. You might try not to think about what happened, only to find it coming back when you least expect it.

Everyone responds differently.

There isn't a particular way you're supposed to look or feel.

You don't have to deal with sexual violence on your own

Maybe you've kept what happened to yourself for a long time.

Perhaps you've thought you should just get over it.

But you don't have to.

Talking to someone doesn't mean you're weak, and it doesn't mean you have to tell them everything.

You can take your time.

You can start with something as simple as:

“Something happened to me, and I'm finding it difficult to deal with.”

That's enough.

Whatever happened, it doesn't make you less of a man.

You didn't deserve it.

And you don't have to carry it on your own.